BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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