You smell like stripper and shame
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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