??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
