Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish i was in the wii world.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
a search helicopter?!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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