Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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