we're blogging at a bar
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
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Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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