He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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