used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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