You really coming over, don't trick.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
