I hate your face
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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