It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
