I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
