then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
