her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
