i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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