You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
