I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
