If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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