My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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