I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
