I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
