Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
