i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
