its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
