Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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