she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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