If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
