yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize