I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
