Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
