my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
