He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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