I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
