Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
