I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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