So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
