the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
