what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
