It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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