I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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