i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
