Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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