it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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