is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
