toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
