I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
