Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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