So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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