If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i wish my penis had a tongue
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize