i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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