I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
