Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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