We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
