I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you win again, gameday.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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