thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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