I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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