girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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