Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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