thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
