Betty ford says i'm here all night
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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