Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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