woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
