he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
