The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
