So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it's like iHOP with fire
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
