Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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