I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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