i just wanna soil my oats bro
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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