so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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