Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
