I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
