Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably