Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.