I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?