Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.

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(650): I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs. http://tfl.nu/bo8w

Replies (7) Good night (1719) Bad night (586)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.

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(412): All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire. http://tfl.nu/ff1n

Replies (19) Good night (4364) Bad night (1966)
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(712): View more from Iowa

I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.

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(712): I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled. http://tfl.nu/klod

Replies (37) Good night (5287) Bad night (696)
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(310): View more from California

You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...

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(310): You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor... http://tfl.nu/dk61

Replies (9) Good night (2047) Bad night (5795)
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(206): View more from Washington

she told me i tasted like america

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(206): she told me i tasted like america http://tfl.nu/ed46

Replies (31) Good night (7891) Bad night (1232)
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(231): View more from Michigan

you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.

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(231): you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob. http://tfl.nu/xbl2

Replies (25) Good night (9627) Bad night (1018)
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(248): View more from Michigan

sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.

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(248): sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us. http://tfl.nu/2qw1

Replies (11) Good night (4888) Bad night (964)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.

(734): View more from Michigan

Your friend and I already don't get along

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(404): I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend. (734): Your friend and I already don't get along http://tfl.nu/d3pe

Replies (4) Good night (3473) Bad night (732)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!

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(701): Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice! http://tfl.nu/fa1l

Replies (7) Good night (3202) Bad night (605)
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(330): View more from Ohio

He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed

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(330): He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed http://tfl.nu/pn7a

Replies (4) Good night (1004) Bad night (559)
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(438): View more from Quebec

Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.

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(438): Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up. http://tfl.nu/g79y

Replies (4) Good night (1367) Bad night (686)
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(618): View more from Illinois

I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.

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(618): I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high. http://tfl.nu/waf9

Replies (4) Good night (1679) Bad night (490)
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(805): View more from California

Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.

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(805): Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock. http://tfl.nu/vnzj

Replies (1) Good night (467) Bad night (723)
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(406): View more from Montana

We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.

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(406): We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right. http://tfl.nu/ritk

Replies (5) Good night (1977) Bad night (318)
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(330): View more from Ohio

ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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(330): ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL. http://tfl.nu/f5ew

Replies (2) Good night (637) Bad night (251)

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