I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...