She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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