It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
