First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
