I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
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I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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