you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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