is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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