There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
whose parrot is this?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
