and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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