we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
