the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
