You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
